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8: SNEEZING INTO YOUR HAND, SNOT FIRING IN TO YOUR PALM, AND NOT HAVING A TISSUE

This is one awkward social situation.  You’re out on a date, or even worse at a family gathering, and you can feel your nose tingling.  You’re going to sneeze.  You might be able to stave it off for 30 seconds, a minute tops, but this sneeze will not be silenced for long.  The worry is of course, that it’s a wet sneeze.  Because if it’s a wet sneeze, and you’re tissueless, what exactly are you going to do with the contents of your hand once that sneeze has broken free?

Some people make a judgement call.  If they think it’s a wet one, they don’t even use a hand – they just let it fly out of their mouth and into the open air.  It’s a wise play if you’re on your own, but in the company of others this technique is seen as impolite, particularly if your aim is a little off and you fire your sneeze snot into your mother-in-laws face.  No, the only option is to use your hand and hope it’s a dry one.  And once that sneeze comes out, and it’s wet, and your hand is drenched in mucas, there’s only one thing a tissueless man can do.  Put your hand in your pocket, pretend to fish around for your phone while actually wiping your snot on your trouser lining, and then pull your hand out and act like NOTHING HAS HAPPENED.  Not nice.  But necessary.

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About Twenty8Later

A brand new podcast mocking news, sport & entertainment in handy 28-day chunks. Good times in a terrible, terrible world.

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