40: GOING TO SEE AWFUL STAND UP COMEDY AND GETTING THE GIGGLES FOR THE WRONG REASONS

Comedy is great isn’t it?  Except when it’s shit, that is.  Have you ever been to a comedy club and seen the most God awful act in the history of mankind?  The kind of comedian you end up laughing at for all the wrong reasons?  The kind that makes your toes curl as he delivers yet another deathly joke?  And this kind of evening reaches its pinnacle of pain when the comedian sees you laughing AT HIM, and then mistakes your laughter for PRAISE. 

“I see I’ve got a fan in this evening”…  NO YOU HAVEN’T.  YOU REALLY HAVEN’T.

39: VEGETARIANS WHO DON’T EAT MEAT BECAUSE IT’S CRUEL… BUT WHO DO EAT FISH

I have no problems with vegetarians.  I applaud their discipline, their moral worth and their courage to not eat meat.  Because meat is delicious, and they are really missing out.  But they’ve made their decision, they’ve shown their strength of character, and they are sticking by their moral code.  Well done you.  Unless of course, you eat seafood.

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35: DOCTOR WHO

OH ISN’T IT AMAZING! I LOVE HOW IT’S STILL QUITE CHEESY AND THE SETS ARE STILL A BIT DODGY AND THE VILLAINS ARE ALL A BIT UNBELIVEABLE AND ALL THE ALIENS LOOK LIKE THEY’VE BEEN CREATED BY A BLUE PETER COMPETITION WINNER! ISN’T IT GREAT?

No. It’s shit. I’ve seen Independence Day. I’m aware of CGI. Get with the programme Doctor. SFX mother-fucker, SFX.

Matt Smith. The Only Thing That Looks Realistic On Doctor Who.

33: PEOPLE WHO WEAR BOW TIES WITH SUITS

This is quite the look.  What is this about?  Is this the start of some sort of clothing challenge whereby the perpertrators have tried to match one extreme look with another?  Are there people walking around doing this to varying degrees?  Wearing boater hats with mankinis? 

It’s not a good look.  It doesn’t work.  It makes you look like a quirky history teacher who cannot control his class and is about to be locked in a cupboard.  PLEASE STOP.