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10: PEOPLE WHO ‘PANIC SLAP’ THE OYSTER CARD READER, FUCKING IT UP FOR THE NEXT PASSENGER

Are these people on day release? Have they never seen a fucking ticket barrier before? Do they need lessons in general everyday tasks? Do they need help washing? Can they not even tie their shoelaces? Yeah you’ve seen them. They’re always the people right in front of you. You follow them up the escalator from the underground station, you’re right behind them as they approach the ticket barrier, they fish out their Oyster Card from their pocket, they hover it above the Oyster Card reader, and then they fucking slap the shit out of it like their hand has suddenly developed an extreme case of Parkinson’s.

What do they think they’re doing? Are they worried about being locked in the train terminal forever? Of the Oyster Card reader choosing to banish them to the concourses of London Underground for eternity? THOU SHALT NOT
PASS? Do they think that by beating the Oyster Card onto the reader incessantly it will speed up their exit? Because it won’t you twats.

And by having this little epileptic freak out on the card reader, you’re fucking up the system for everyone else. Because after you’re long gone through the barriers and are headed homeward-bound, there’s a queue of irate passengers behind ME because YOU have crashed the fucking card reader and it won’t let me through. It seems that smashing a piece of electrical equipment doesn’t actually do it any good, and it takes a while for the system to recover from its latest annihilation. Which is hardly surprising really is it? Do these people not have computers? Do they go home at night and take a hammer to their TV screens? Introduce their DVD player to a frying pan? How fucking stupid do you have to be to think that hitting something really hard over and over again does it any fucking good whatsoever? Idiots. Next time I’ll take the bus.

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About Twenty8Later

A brand new podcast mocking news, sport & entertainment in handy 28-day chunks. Good times in a terrible, terrible world.

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