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22: GIGS

I LIKE music. I don’t LOVE music. I LOVE football. But I do LIKE music. I’m still unsure if I like gigs though.

This doubt exists for two reasons. Firstly, because at a gig you see lots of people who are trying too hard to be cool. People who dress up like they’re rock stars, and who wear silk scarves and skinny jeans and who ‘finger drum’ to their favourite bands. These are also the sort of people who I imagine think it’s really funny to drink a beer, then fill the empty plastic pint pot with piss before throwing it over the crowd in front of them – hilarious. The sort of people who probably have their own band and are blissfully unaware that their ‘sound’ is about as enjoyable as AIDS. I WANT TO HURT THESE PEOPLE.

Then there’s the fact that the vast majority of people who go to gigs seem to follow the bands like it’s a religion. This is to be applauded of course – after all it’s exactly what I do with Arsenal. But when you’re at the gig because you LIKE the band but don’t LOVE the band, you’re put in that position of being a novice in a room full of experts. All of the experts are singing along, word for word, bouncing up and down and savouring this religious awakening. But if you’re a novice, you’re left standing there, a little uncomfortably, feeling like Satan in St Paul’s Cathedral. You know that it’s only a matter of time before you’re shown up as the fake that you know you are. And it’s the music that will get you. You’ll sing along alright, but your lyrics will differ greatly from the ACTUAL lyrics being sung. Because when you’re at a gig full of experts, and you’re a novice, it becomes very clear that you don’t know half as many of the songs as you thought you did. You might remember the chorus. Or even some of the words in the verses. But certainly not ALL of the words ALL of the time. And when this happens the experts look at you with disdain.

And this annoys me.

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About Twenty8Later

A brand new podcast mocking news, sport & entertainment in handy 28-day chunks. Good times in a terrible, terrible world.

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