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34: FAT PEOPLE ON DIETS WHO GO ON ABOUT HOW MUCH WEIGHT THEY’VE LOST DESPITE STILL LOOKING FUCKING FAT

These people are the worst.  Fat people who seem to constantly be on a diet despite the fact that everytime you see them, they are EATING. 

“I’m on a diet.  I’m on a diet.  I’ve decided to go on a diet.  I’ve got my own weight loss programme…”.  GOOD.  Then start fucking sticking to the diet instead of stuffing iced buns in your mouth chubbs.

And they go on and on about how much weight they’ve lost, despite not looking any different physically. 

“I’ve lost four pounds in a month!  FOUR POUNDS!”.  Really?  Well maybe you should come back to me in a year when you’ve lost FOUR STONE, because from where I’m still standing you’re the size of Russia.

And I know it’s been said before, but why are fat people always so jolly?  Fake jolly too.  You know they’re not happy, but they act like they’ve just won the lottery and celebrated their success by sleeping with Angelina Jolie.  They always hug you and they’re always overly friendly, when all you really want is for them to stop staring at your sandwich. 

I know it’s hard to maintain a steady weight.  I understand that.  But surely there must have come a point, long ago, where these people looked in the mirror and thought “I’m getting a bit chubby, I better try and do something about it”.  Surely there was an opportunity to exercise, eat less or eat more healthily?  So how do these people go from slightly chubby and aware of the need to lose a few pounds, to obese idiots who take up two seats on the tube?  It’s a lack of self control and a lack of self discipline.

So here’s a nugget of advice for you fatties.  Stop eating.  Start shitting.

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About Twenty8Later

A brand new podcast mocking news, sport & entertainment in handy 28-day chunks. Good times in a terrible, terrible world.

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