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46: CHUGGERS

I’ve been saving up this one for a while.  Jesus these people are cunts.  Wannabe actors who seem to think that bouncing up and down, smiling and being overly jolly is going to make me want to put my hand in my pocket and help save a person in need.  If I want to save a person in need I will do it myself.  I’ll pay money via direct debit to a cause or charity that I deem suitable.  I don’t need some fucking chirpy twat to accost me in the street and act as a go-between.

It’s just their personalities that really grate with me.  These wankers act like kids TV presenters on cocaine, all jazz hands and clipboards, desperate to make eye contact and engage you in some worthy shit.  You say no politely and they follow you down the street, you ignore them and they follow you down the street, you apologise for not having the time to stop and chat, they FOLLOW YOU DOWN THE STREET.  The only way to avoid these idiots is to either pretend to be on your phone or to leave the office in packs – never wander down a street alone for fear that you’ll be pounced on by a bloody chugger.

Come Near Me & I Will Cut You.

And what really gets me is that now even charity is being used as a way for others to make money.  We don’t need chuggers.  We know what’s going on in the world, who needs help, who needs money for scientific research, what we can do to help.  We don’t need people to be employed just for the purpose of badgering us into giving money to charity – especially when they take a cut of the donation anyway. 

One day I’d just like to have the balls to tell them I’m happy to talk, but maybe a little later – say once they’re off their shift.  Maybe I could come to their house and we can have a proper sit-down discussion.  Oh, what’s that?  You don’t like being bothered when you’re not working?  WELL NOR DO I YOU PRICKS.

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About Twenty8Later

A brand new podcast mocking news, sport & entertainment in handy 28-day chunks. Good times in a terrible, terrible world.

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