Considering their obsession with hats, you’d think that most women are actually bald, desperate to hide their shiny skulls from the general public for fear of laughter and humiliation. But I know that most women are not bald. I’ve seen women without hats on. This is solid proof that most women have hair, often lots of it. So why do they love covering it up so much?
Whenever a woman is invited to a wedding, attention always turns to the hat. “Oh I can get a new hat! You’re getting married, I must get a new hat! I NEED A NEW HAT!!”. Why is this? Why does a hat carry such significance when a couple are tying the knot? Why do women feel the need to out-do their fellow females with more and more ridiculous cranium creations? Who are they trying to impress?
But the worst example of a hat horror show takes place every year at Ascot. LADIES DAY. A day where the fairer sex are positively encouraged to wear utterly implausible head gear to a horse race. A horse race. Do they think that the horses are going to be impressed by their hats? Do they think that these nags might run faster if they catch sight of some bozo in a bloated blue bonnet? I suppose the horse might be so horrified by the hat it might want to get away from it as quickly as possible, but I see no other justification for this national showcase of shitty hats. There’s no need, there’s no reason, there’s no sense in it, so please, women of the world I implore you, say hasta la vista to hats, and heeeelllloooo to hair. Long, liberated hair.