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79: PIPPA MIDDLETON

First things first. Pippa Middleton is not that fit. She wore a dress that accentuated her arse, and people went crazy thinking she was the most amazing woman ever, but she is not that fit.

She’s a fairly attractive woman, and that’s it. If she went up to you in a bar and started a conversation with you, you’d be pretty happy of course. But it’s not like Kelly Brook has approached you is it? She’s not stunning, is she? She’s just alright.

Phwoooaaaarrrr!!!! Look at that arse!!! It's... alright.

Plus she’s posh. If you went out with Pippa Middleton you’d end up having to go to polo events, and you’d need to learn to laugh like a horse. You’d have to hang out with the Queen and Prince Phillip. Plus you’d be forever looking at her sister thinking you’d settled for second best. Because despite her arse, Pippa is not Kate.

No, Pippa Middleton is not all that. She’s really not.

Plus her name is Pippa. Pippa! She sounds like a fucking apple.

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