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98: DODGY NEWSAGENTS

It’s not often I win the lottery.  I’ve never won more than £7.20 (oh that was a heady day, let me tell you), so every time I do win something I’m keen to actually get my money from the local newsagents.

Last Friday on the Euromillions I checked my ticket and discovered that I had won a whopping £2.50 – huzzah!  The next day I merrily skipped towards the corner shop to claim my winnings and reinvest in some more lotto action but alas, as I approached the counter I sensed the man by the till was eyeballing me suspiciously.  He had spotted that I had not picked up a newspaper or a chocolate bar; that I was not here to give him some of my hard-earned cash.  Instead he sensed that I was here for profit, to take money away from him.

As I finally reached the counter having negotiated my way past a gaggle of children fighting over one-penny sweets, I fished out my winning ticket and held it up for the shopkeeper to see.

“I’d like to cash in my winnings please,” I said.

“Machine not working,” he said sharply.

I looked at him curiously.  I did not believe him.  But how to test if this man is lying, I thought?

“In that case I would like to give you some money for a new lottery ticket,” I suggested.

“Is that for tonight or Wednesday?” he replied.

AHA!  SO YOUR MACHINE WORKS WHEN IT NEEDS TO PRODUCE TICKETS AND GIVE YOU MONEY, BUT NOT WHEN I HAVE WON THE LOTTERY AND AM TAKING MONEY AWAY!  A HA!

This is what I should have said.  After all, I had proved my point.  The shopkeeper just did not want to go to the hassle of claiming back money from Lottery Headquarters.  His machine worked alright, I knew this.  I should have said “A ha” in a knowing fashion and shown him up to be the fraud he was.  But I didn’t.  I gave him another couple of quid and went on my merry way, fresh ticket in hand. 

And I didn’t win.

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About Twenty8Later

A brand new podcast mocking news, sport & entertainment in handy 28-day chunks. Good times in a terrible, terrible world.

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