I have my friends quota. I don’t need any more friends. I don’t have time to see the friends I have as much as I would like so I am certainly not in the business of talking to strangers on a fucking train.
A Chinese man started talking to me the other day on the District Line. He was older than time. He asked me how I was. I instantly assumed he wanted to murder me. I said I was fine and then looked the other way and moved away from him. I honestly expected him to shiv me or something. What do these people gain from talking to strangers? This is the 21st Century! People don’t talk to strangers! People who talk to strangers on public transport make themselves LOOK LIKE WEIRDOS. You don’t want to be a weirdo.
On public transport you keep yourself to yourself, read a book, play on your phone or look at the ground. You do not spark up a conversation with someone you’ve never met. What did this Chinese man expect to gain from this meeting? A new friend? I don’t think one hundred year-old Chinese men set out to become BFF’s with pasty faced spiky haired thirty somethings. If I’d not looked the other way and risked death by shiv over conversation what would he have said next? Where would this conversation have gone? Would I still be stuck on a train talking to this mental patient now?
They’ve introduced a no smoking rule on the tube. They’ve introduced no drinking alcohol rule. How about getting to the heart of the matter now Boris – NO FUCKING TALKING.