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120: BEING PUT UNDER PRESSURE AT THE HAND-DRYER

You’ve just arrived at work after a long journey which included the consumption of a large coffeee, a bran muffin and a gallon of mineral water.  You’re in dire need of toilet relief, so you head to the Gents to do your business in double quick time.

Afterwards you wash your hands and wander over to the hand-dryer.  You place your paws under the metallic contraption and you start to dry off.  But this is where your problems begin.

Because, as we all know, hand-dryers take about two minutes to fully dry your hands.  You can get most of the excess water off in 90 seconds, but to FULLY DRY your hands you need two minutes.  And yet what are you supposed to do if you’ve been dominating the dryer for just 30 seconds when a fellow urinator arrives, waiting patiently for their blast on the Dyson? 

Do you stand tall and continue the domination, knowing that your hands require another 90 seconds attention, or do you begin to feel a pang of guilt over the poor mug behind you with water pouring off his hands?  After all, you’re a nice person.  You care about your fellow man.  You don’t want to see anyone suffer, do you?  Of course you don’t.  So you’re left with this quandry.  Damp hands and walk away, or dry hands and a guilty conscience?  If only there were hand towels – this problem would never have reared its ugly head.

So next time you see a man leaving the toilets wiping his hands on his trouser leg, don’t necessarily damn them as impatient imbeciles with no time for things such as hand-dryers.  Don’t necessarily think the worst of them – there is another explanation.  Maybe they’ve been put under pressure by their fellow man, and they simply cracked.  And if that is the case, then who can blame them?

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About Twenty8Later

A brand new podcast mocking news, sport & entertainment in handy 28-day chunks. Good times in a terrible, terrible world.

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