133: BELLY BUTTON FLUFF

Belly Button fluff. Weird innit?

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103: MAGAZINE FEATURES ON CLOTHES THAT DON’T ACTUALLY SHOW THE CLOTHES

This might be a nice jumper.  Then again, it might not.  To own it I’d have to pay £140 for it, apparently.  I don’t know what the logo says.  I don’t know if there’s anything on the back.  I don’t know what colour the sleeves are.  So what’s the point in actually including it in this article?  Is anyone going to look at this picture and even consider buying something they can’t even bloody see?

Idiot magazine.  Shame on you.

48: LADIES DAY AT ASCOT

Considering their obsession with hats, you’d think that most women are actually bald, desperate to hide their shiny skulls from the general public for fear of laughter and humiliation. But I know that most women are not bald. I’ve seen women without hats on. This is solid proof that most women have hair, often lots of it. So why do they love covering it up so much?

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33: PEOPLE WHO WEAR BOW TIES WITH SUITS

This is quite the look.  What is this about?  Is this the start of some sort of clothing challenge whereby the perpertrators have tried to match one extreme look with another?  Are there people walking around doing this to varying degrees?  Wearing boater hats with mankinis? 

It’s not a good look.  It doesn’t work.  It makes you look like a quirky history teacher who cannot control his class and is about to be locked in a cupboard.  PLEASE STOP.

19: MEN IN UGG BOOTS

IDIOT.

This is a weird concept.  A piece of female fashion which is now being bought and worn by MEN.  I used to live next to a lovely bloke from the East End of London.  He was the kind of guy who had done really well for himself in an industry that – for the whole time I knew him – remained clandestine and mysterious.  He was a self-made man, an Alan Sugar type if you like.  But he wore Ugg Boots.  And can you ever picture Lord Sugar wearing UGG BOOTS?  I can’t.  He wore them with tracksuit bottoms.  He’d go and get his morning paper with them.  It wasn’t right then, and it’s not right now.