I think I’m a hypochondriac. Most of the time I think I am dying. If I lose weight, I think I’m dying. If I put on weight I’m going to have a heart attack. If I get a spot, it’s a tumour. I’m not far away from being one of those people who wear the equivalent of a gas mask on their daily commute for fear of catching some killer bug. And the thing that could finally push me into this course of action is those people on public transport who cough WITHOUT USING THEIR HANDS.