138: BEING A BIT OF A SNOB

I was in Starbucks the other day (middle class evidence #1) and I was waiting for my coffee alonside a young woman who was clearly irked.  She told me she’d been waiting more than five minutes for a latte and several other customers who had arrived earlier had already received their caffeine fix for the day.

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94: COCKTAIL BARMEN

 

I was a barman once.  I worked in a village pub and learnt to pour the perfect pint of bitter.  I met and chatted with a variety of punters and had the odd drink myself, often paid for by the customers themselves.  But if I was a customer who wandered into a cocktail bar and was confronted by this:

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93: DOMINOS PIZZA

Aside from the fact that their name is frighteningly close to my own, sparking opportunity for people to call me Domino (or Pizza Face in my teenage years), Dominos Pizza just doesn’t taste very nice.

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70: THE WAY WAITERS ALWAYS REFILL YOUR GLASS EVEN IF YOU’VE ONLY TAKEN A SIP, CREATING A NEVER-ENDING DRINK

I actually really like water.  It’s cold, it’s refreshing, it’s delicious.  When I go to a restaurant and I am asked if I would like some ‘water for the table’, I always say yes (although I’m not quite sure what a table would want with water, it’s hardly going to drink it).

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41: CUCUMBERS

Salads are punishment enough. No-one enjoys a salad. We eat them because we feel guilty about our diet, or because our waist-lines are expanding all too rapidly, not because they’re tasty or we’re really in the mood for some leaf. So please, don’t make this meal even worse by sticking cucumbers in it – it’s the equivalent of shitting in your soup.