80: JAMES PATTERSON

Here we have an author responsbile for some absolutely brilliant books – the sort of novels that could take a literary fool by the scruff of the neck and throw them with verve and vigour into the nearest library.

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63: SMART ALEC CONTINUITY ANNOUNCERS

Why do TV channels think anyone at home enjoys some smug wanker giving us their views on programmes before telling us what’s on next.  Coming up with lame jokes and being overly chatty and matey – I don’t know you, I don’t want to know you, stop talking to me through my fucking TV set.

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62: HARRY POTTER FANS

I’m sure the Harry Potter books are really good. I’m sure that they’re as enjoyable for adults as they are for children. And I’m sure that the end of the Potter saga came as a blow to many loyal fans who have grown up with the little scar-faced runt.

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