122: RECOGNISING SOMEONE WHO DEOSN’T RECOGNISE YOU

A Bearded Man.

I recently worked for a company in Shoreditch and sat relatively closely to this bearded man who has recently created a hit TV format for ITV.  I had no idea what his name was but we had that habit of nodding hello to each other when we entered the office – nice, polite British stuff.

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95: TATTOOS

Here’s one for the ages.  Are tattoos actually any good?  And if so, at what point does a tattoo lover over-tattoo themselves?

Footballers are big fans of tattoos.  Porn stars too.  From what I’ve seen there’s not much tattoo-free skin in either profession.  I have no problem with one or two tattoos.  A cheeky tattoo on the small of a womans back or on their stomach is absolutely fine.  A bloke with a tattoo on his upper arm is almost a tradition.  But when people do their upmost to out-tattoo Michael Schofield in Prison Break it really is time to reassess.

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92: GREEDY AMERICAN TV PRODUCTION COMPANIES

I recently finished watching the American TV version of ‘The Killing’  – a remake of a hugely successful Danish show.  I was worried it might be a bit of a disappointment but to be fair it gripped me throughout – until the final episode that is…

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73: TV COMPETITIONS

In an effort to make more money from their already increasingly dumbed down, idiotic TV shows, production companies are now resorting to running competitions where viewers can win  a BIG prize.  Their hope is that that muggings at home will ignore the fact that calls cost seven quid a minute and ring up for the chance to win something usually as shit as a George Foreman grill. Which is good of them.

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65: WIGS

I know losing your hair must be tough.  Mine is one the way out at the front.  It must be tough to accept that you have more hair on your arse than on your head.  But please, don’t go down the wig route.  It’s embarrassing.

PS, I love SIR TERRY WOGAN.  He’s allowed a wig.

63: SMART ALEC CONTINUITY ANNOUNCERS

Why do TV channels think anyone at home enjoys some smug wanker giving us their views on programmes before telling us what’s on next.  Coming up with lame jokes and being overly chatty and matey – I don’t know you, I don’t want to know you, stop talking to me through my fucking TV set.

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42: SWIFT COVER ADVERTS WITH IGGY POP

Why does Swift Cover have Iggy Pop as the public face of its company? Swift Cover is an car insurance company. Iggy Pop is a rock star with a history of drink and drug binges. Swift Cover would not even INSURE Iggy Pop. It wouldn’t even insure the fucking puppet. So get someone a little more suitable for your ad campaigns.